


AFRAID

by Judas_Kiss



Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Control Issues, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Humiliation, M/M, Mick is just there... Sometimes, My mind is a dark place, Nikki is a possessive obsessive freak, Physical Abuse, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Tommy is too damn sweet, Vince is just a trouble making bitch, Whatever else I can think of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:52:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3248666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judas_Kiss/pseuds/Judas_Kiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're at it again. Sometimes he wonders if they'll ever stop... If the words will seize, if the screaming will come to a screeching halt... If... Just if...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I read a story from someone else a little while ago, I think it was on Ficwad... Might've been Rockfic, I don't know... Of where Tommy and Nikki kind of had a toxic relationship. I was really into that story, but the writer never finished it. So, I decided to write my own fic where the Terror Twins have the same kind of relationship, inspired by that particular story I read. 
> 
> Here's to hoping I don't screw this up. I've never wrote martial before where a relationship was abusive but hell, I've been through enough shit myself I think I kind of know how this goes.
> 
> Anyways, what's in the tags is what's going to be in the story. Abuse, rape... Cussing. SO, if you don't like that stuff, if it freaks you out or brings back some flashback of your past, BE GONE! I don't wanna hear your crap about that. I'm here to write, not play therapist. So, you've been warned. If you continue forward and read this, disregarding my warnings, it's your own fault, not mine.
> 
> Aside from that, enjoy.

They're at it again. Sometimes he wonders if they'll ever stop... If the words will seize, if the screaming will come to a screeching halt... If... Just if...

"Nikki, please, I don't-" He doesn't even get a sentence out before the older boy is screaming again, this time he's up in his face and he can feel a glare on him through that shaggy mess he calls hair.

The younger - Tommy - can feel the tears burning at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill out and like a child, he closes his eyes and brings his hands up over his ears, to try and shield the yelling out. It does little though to mask the volume of Nikki's voice and the fact he's now spitting in the drummer's face with each word he puts his anger into.

This only aids in making the bassist more angry. He grabs Tommy's wrists, forcing his hands back down. "Look at me, Tommy." The voice is calm, deadly now.

Tommy swallows deeply but forces his eyes open to stare at the older male, despite the fear of what it might do if he looks into what little he can see of those emerald like eyes.

"Do you love _him_?" The question was asked. Hurt. He could hear an undertone of hurt. It was barely there, but he could hear it.

Tommy shakes his head, and Nikki's grip on his wrists grows tighter. There will probably be bruises tomorrow...

"No. I don't, I swear. It was just a kiss. I... I didn't even want it! He forced it on me! He kissed me..." He pleaded. Vince... All this was Vince's fault, for some quick kiss to the lips that Nikki had just so happened to catch and take _wrongly_. "Nikki, baby, I promise, I was disgusted by it. I about threw up."

Nikki doesn't respond right away, instead letting an eerie silence settle into the atmosphere. He brings his hands up to cup Tommy's face and then he smiles, thumb gently rubbing along the soft skin of his drummer.

Tommy finally smiles, lightly but it's there. He's certain now that he has Nikki convinced everything is alright.

"Were you?" Nikki asks and there's no reason for Tommy not to believe that this has been settled. The drummer nods. "Yes, Nikki." He responds confidently.

"You lying bitch." The words come too slow, compared to the sharp pain of a punch to his jaw that knocks him completely off balance. He looked up, wide-eyed at the older male that seemed to tower over him now.

Nikki had hit him... He couldn't believe it. They had argued all the time, over little things and major things but it's never come to this. It's never went further than screaming and cursing... Nikki had always promised he would never hit him.

"You make me sick." Nikki snarled down at him, before walking over to grab a half drunken bottle of Jack off of the piece of junk he called a dresser.

Tommy watched him silently. He was shaking now and the tears were streaming down his face, hot like fire it seemed.

"You expect me to buy that shit? That oh, you were disgusted by it and oh, you didn't want it and it was forced on you... Because, it's awful fucking funny, it was you with _your_ tongue down _his_ fucking throat. Explain that one, Tom." Nikki was more furious now than ever, igniting the flame of madness with the alcohol he swallowed.

"Okay... So I was a little drunk and I got a little too excited....It didn't mean anything though. It's like the girls... We make out with girls all the time and it never means nothing... Why does this?" He was almost too timid to ask. The moment he did and Nikki shot a death glare his way, Tommy looked down to the floor, wishing he could be anywhere but here right now.

"Like the girls, huh..." Nikki trailed off, finishing up the rest of the Jack Daniels and then he chuckled loudly. "Only here's the thing you fuckin' moron... Vince isn't a fucking girl!"

"Well, it's not like you haven't looked at him that way too..." Tommy muttered. Oh, poor, poor Tommy. He was digging himself deeper into his own grave.

Nikki snarled, letting the empty bottle drop to the floor, not caring one bit about the broken glass lying there and if Tommy didn't know any better, he'd say that could be weapon of choice in his murder case later.

"What. Was. That?" Nikki snarled one word at a time as he stormed over to Tommy, kneeling down in front of him.

Tommy still refused to look at him. "Nothing Nikki... Let's not talk about this... He's right in the next room..."

Oh hell no. "Fuck that." Nikki retorted, grabbing hold of Tommy by the shirt and pulling him up to stand once more.  "Now then... You've had some pretty big balls to pull the shit you did earlier tonight... Don't be a pussy and cower away from a question."

Tommy wiped his eyes quickly, glaring back at Nikki this time. "Yeah, I've seen the way you look at him... Undressing him with your eyes... You'd rather have him than me, wouldn't you? Well, maybe I'd rather have him than you. He's sure as hell a lot better looking and at least he doesn't smell like he's crawled out of a sewer." Chances. Oh, he was taking chances; unaware of what extremes Nikki would go to tonight.

"You cocksucker." Nikki was dangerously close again. "If I didn't have such a sleazy ass slut as my boyfriend, maybe my eyes wouldn't stray. So don't put this one on me _baby_ , when it is your fault for not keeping your man happy."

"No, it's yours, for not keeping **your** man happy. All you do is argue and insult me now. That's not the Nikki I fell in love with... And I'm getting fucking tired of being treated like a dog. So if you want to find someone else, fucking do it. I don't give a shit anymore." Tears. The tears were coming again and Tommy had to clench his teeth, despite the intense pain, in order to not lose control.

Nikki stared at him, for a moment more, analyzing him... Then...

"Getting real sick of that damn back talk of yours. That's your problem. Can't keep that fucking mouth of yours shut. But oh... I'm going to break that." Nikki smirked. "Don't you worry, sweetheart. You think you have a little bit of control now and you think you can call the shots and oh, you're the alpha... You can do whatever you want... No. I'll put you back in your place. I'll show you who's in control." And just like that, Nikki dragged Tommy over to the tattered bed, slamming him back on it.

"What the fuck" Tommy protested, attempting to get up. It was futile though. Nikki had already climbed over him, pinning him down to the mattress with his weight.

"Now then, bitch... Let the training session begin." Nikki smirked again, as he fumbled around on the bed, grabbing some random scarf he had lying there, of which he used to tie the younger's hands up tightly to the headboard of the bed so it couldn't be undone by Tommy alone.

"Nikki, stop, I don't like this!" Tommy growled, already beginning to struggle in his restraints.

"You did something you weren't suppose to, now it's time for your punishment... I'll teach you... I'll teach you how to be a good boyfriend." Again, he retrieved another scarf and he chuckled like a maniac.

"Nikki, please. This is insane! I said I was sorry. It was a mistake, and I will not do it again. Now, untie me!"

"Shh baby, I promise, I'm only doing this for your own good... It's to show you how much I love you and that we'll always be together..." He muttered, and this time placed the scarf over Tommy's mouth, tying it behind his head, successfully gagging the young drummer.

Tommy's eyes went wide and he mumbled incoherent words into the fabric.

Nikki ignored him and continued to do so as the night dragged on and he - for the first time - violated Tommy in ways the young drummer never could've imagined.

All Tommy could do was lay there, a whimpering, crying mess of fear as he bared Nikki's abuse.

Vince - the sole reason for all this, Tommy swore - was passed out in his own room, completely unaware of the events that had unfolded.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Tommy awoke to the sun shining in through the window in the room. He gave a soft groan, shutting his lids tighter in attempts to block the light out. No use though. He sighed deeply, opening his eyes then.

"Fuck" He hissed as his vision adjusted to the light. He tried to move, to shift into a different position so he could at least bury his face in the pillow but he couldn't do that. Realization hit him. His hands were still bound to the headboard. Memories of last night flooded back to him, and so did the numbing pain of his fingers, all the way to his arms. He choked back fresh tears that threatened to spill. It would do no good to cry now. It did no good last night after all. 

He found himself thinking about what had happened... Nikki's loss of control and anger he's never seen before. All the hateful words, Nikki's brutal actions... It had him confused and scared. Scared of Nikki... Scared of this happening again... But, also scared if Nikki did decide to leave him anyway. 

Crazy, it sounded crazy but he didn't want Nikki to leave him. This was his fault anyway. Nikki didn't mean to do that... And Tommy's sure he didn't want to. Tommy just, messed up. Yeah, that was it. He messed up. He had a moment of weakness, he kissed Vince... Of all people, Vince. If he hadn't had done that, Nikki never would've hurt him. It hurt Nikki too, to do that, he's sure of. But Nikki had to. It showed how much he did love Tommy... Right?

Shutting his eyes again, Tommy tried to fight the thoughts away, but that was impossible. 

His eyes snapped open once more when he felt the bed shift beside him. He looked over to see that Nikki was finally waking up and he's not sure if that's a good thing or not..

A few muttered complaints about the sun, and a yawn later, Nikki opened his eyes, to meet those of Tommy's through his messy locks and the bassist gave a smile. "Mornin', babe." He said casually, as if nothing had happened last night.

Tommy didn't know what to do. Should he speak or should he just keep quiet? He didn't want to do something that would upset Nikki again... Finally, he swallowed deeply. "Mornin..." The reply was hoarse. His throat was dry and there was nothing more he wanted than something to drink, and to be untied so he could actually feel his hands again but, he didn't exactly want to ask.

"So..." Nikki trailed off for a moment, attempting to actually think about what had happened, for once. "Did you learn your lesson?" He asked.

Tommy nodded. "Yes, Nikki. I promise, I won't do that again." Of course he would agree. He had no choice but to agree.

"Are you mine?" Nikki questioned, eyes narrowing behind his mess of hair. Tommy could tell that Nikki was looking for some weakness to his words, for any sign of a lie. 

Tommy gave a smile, although whether it was genuine or not was to be debated. "Yes, all yours. I swear that I do not want anybody else but you."

"And what you said about Vince... It wasn't true... Was it?" There it was again... That same hurt that Tommy had heard last night.

"No, it wasn't. I was just caught up in the moment. I'm sorry and I promise I won't allow that to happen again."

Nikki still didn't smile though, thoughts drifting back to last night as his eyes scanned the younger boy's body. Bruises had been left in multiple places, scratches even and... Nikki shut his eyes tightly in attempts to push the guilt away. He felt it of course, for what he did, but even more so, he felt it because he had enjoyed it... He enjoyed seeing Tommy completely at his mercy...

"Nikki?" Tommy asked quietly, when the older man had spaced out.

Nikki gave a shake of his head and sighed. "I'm sorry..." He muttered, reaching up a hand to caress the younger's cheek that he'd struck last night. "I'm so sorry... I won't do that again... I just wanted to show you, that I couldn't lose you... You mean the world to me."

Tommy's smile faded then and he flinched under Nikki's touch. He didn't buy that. He didn't buy it one bit. He knew all too well when Nikki was lying. However, he wasn't about to confront him on that. "It's okay Nikki... But can you do one thing for me?" He was timid to ask, afraid that any little request would set Nikki off again.

"Yes, of course, I'll do anything. What do you want?" Nikki asked, and found himself grinning slightly again.

"Can you untie me, please?"

Nikki stared at him for a moment, then turned his attention to the scarf still wrapped tightly around Tommy's wrists. "Oh, fuck! I forgot... Jesus, Tommy... I didn't mean to leave you like that." He quickly reached up to untie the scarf.

"I know." Tommy merely said as he now rubbed at his wrists. His fingers tingled, along with his arms but he wouldn't dare complain.

Nikki was quick to grab one hand however, rubbing the younger's wrist soothingly. "Shouldn't have tied them so tightly..." He grumbled to himself. The scarf had left red marks behind.

Tommy had to refuse the urge to say something along the lines of 'no shit, fucker'. Instead, he just let Nikki do what he wanted... After all, he was being awfully sweet this morni-err-evening. Maybe he truly was sorry.

"Is there anything to drink?" Tommy asked after a bit, cautiously looking back up to the older male. "My throat's kinda dry." 

"Um, I think so... I'll go see." This time Nikki was more reluctant to answer but Tommy just summed that up as he didn't want to get out of bed just yet. He had to though, because the last bottle of Jack Daniels was consumed by Nikki last night and now laid broken on the floor.

"Thank you, hun." Tommy said, giving Nikki a smile.

Nikki said nothing, as he climbed out of bed, threw on his pair of leather pants from last night and some dingy shirt and proceeded out of the room, to the kitchen.

Tommy released a deep breath, that he felt he had been holding since he woke up. Now that he was alone, he felt tears coming forth again but he couldn't cry. Nikki would be back in the matter of a minute, if that and then Tommy would have to pretend everything was fine again.

"You'll be fine, Tommy... It was just one time... Just don't do anything to anger him again and you'll be fine..." He thought to himself. He then attempted to sit up, only to hiss at the sharp pain he felt in his lower region. He whimpered.

Blood... There had to be blood staining the sheets but Tommy didn't even want to look, so he just decided on lying where he was for now. Eventually he'd have to get up though. He needed and wanted a shower after the events of last night. He smelt like sweat, cum and anything else imaginable in between, and he felt like some dirty whore.

Nikki returned, holding out a beer for Tommy he had retrieved from the fridge. "Here ya go."

Tommy took it, and grinned up at Nikki. "You even opened it for me... How thoughtful." He fought hard to keep the sarcasm in his tone hidden. 

Nikki gave a shrug of his shoulders as he sat back on the bed next to Tommy.

The drummer rose up a little, to take a swig of the beer. Swallowing it down, he looked over to Nikki and finally found his proper voice. "I do have one question though..."

"What's that, babe?" Nikki responded curiously, as he reached out to brush some of Tommy's hair out of his face.

"What are Vince and Mick gonna say when they see the marks? What am I going to tell them?" 

Nikki retracted his hand, as if he had been burnt. "Cover them up. Besides, the only one that'll be all that noticeable is your cheek." 

"Okay." Tommy responded. He could've said more on the matter but he didn't want to change his luck this morning.

"I'm bored... Think I'll go give Vince a wake up call." Nikki then smirked and Tommy knew all too well that meant some sort of nasty prank was running through the bassist's mind and normally he would be right there in on it but today he just didn't care.

Nikki walked out, and Tommy breathed a loud sigh of relief. For a little while, Nikki would be somebody else's problem.

Tommy then forced himself to sit up, giving a deep groan. "Oh, fuck, that really hurts..." He whined but managed to scoot out of the bed regardless, which was a slow, painful process where he stopped at many times and was tempted to just lay back down. He did not though. He wanted that shower.

Slow steps, that's what he took to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind him and locking it. He turned his attention to the mirror, staring at his own reflection. It was broken, more than likely under Nikki's wrath, just like him. He frowned. From what he could see in the cracked glass, he looked a mess. His cheek was still swollen, already turned a purplish color.

"What are you doing Tommy?..." He asked himself, having a swift moment of regret. Tears were burning again... How much could one person cry? He wondered. "You can't blame him though... You came close to cheating on him... He did the right thing." He assured himself again, then put on the best smile he could as he proceeded to the shower. There was no curtain and it was molded over in many places, among other things. It wasn't all that suitable to use but, they had no choice and neither one of them really cared.

Tommy turned on the water, letting it warm up before stepping in. He moaned then. It felt good cascading against his skin, relieving his aching muscles and joints.

Outside, he could hear high pitched screaming coming from Vince's room, a clear sign that Nikki had given him a rude awakening.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Vince screeched like a banshee. "I'm going to beat the shit out of you!" Vince threatened.

 

In the shower, Tommy smiled to himself, a part of him cheering Vince on inwardly.

 

***

 

After his shower, Tommy had gotten dressed in something comfortable... Well, as comfortable as he could get... Tight fitting jeans, a regular t-shirt, and a pair of old chucks.

Only after some magic with makeup and when he was satisfied with his appearance, did he leave and make his way toward the kitchen, passing through the living room.

"Hey T-bone." Vince called casually. 

"Hi..." Tommy muttered, paying him no mind as he entered the kitchen, searching in the fridge for another beer. To his luck, there was one more left. He grabbed it, opened it and went back to the living room.

Vince cast the youngest male a glance, as he made his way to sit beside Vince on the couch. The snap of fingers stopped him in his tracks though, followed by a whistle.

Tommy looked over his shoulder, to where Nikki was sitting in a chair across from Vince. Nikki said nothing and Tommy knew full well what he wanted... He begrudgingly walked over to Nikki like and took a seat in his lap. Nikki's arm wrapped around Tommy's waist tightly and he leaned in to place a kiss along Tommy's neck, then another one... Then a nip.

"Nikki..." Tommy pleaded silently, attempting to push Nikki away.

Thankfully, Nikki did, with a grunt. His arm remained around Tommy's waist though.

Tommy took a drink of his beer, before it was grabbed out of his hand by Nikki.

Vince still continued to look at the two, eyebrows furrowed in question as he observed their behavior. It was no secret among Vince that Tommy and Nikki were dating (with the way they fucked in a room so close to Vince's without even a door, it was hard not to know) but he had never seen them act this way.

"Tommy, are you okay?" Vince asked. Usually Tommy would've fought for the beer back, or would've easily given into Nikki's attempts at a make out session... What was so different today? 

Nikki's grip tightened around Tommy when the drummer had looked back up to Vince. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired." He assured, but his eyes told of something different.

Vince didn't buy it. However, he wouldn't push the matter. At least not here, not with Nikki in the room with them.

Tommy turned back to Nikki, noticing a several red marks on Nikki's skin. "Oh, hunny! What happened?" He asked, his fingers coming out to gently stroke over his neck, where one was. Maybe if he showed more care to Nikki, he wouldn't get so mad at him so often.

Nikki hissed, swatting his hand away.

"Don't fuckin' baby him, Tommy. He deserved it for coming into my fucking room, waking me up so fucking early, and proceeding to start a fight with me." Vince retorted with a glare now on the older man.

"It is one in the fucking evening. Time for your ass to be up." Nikki put in suddenly, finishing off the beer in his hand, sitting the bottle on the floor. Vince didn't say a thing though, only gave a roll of his eyes.

"Vince, how could you? Nikki was just..." 

"TOMMY. I swear." Vince snapped then, turning his head further to the side, pointing to his left eye. "He fucking landed a punch, RIGHT HERE. I repeat, that son of a bitch deserved it. I'm not scared of him because he's nothing but an insecure pussy... And no amount of makeup can hide that."

Tommy was taken aback and he flinched. "W-what do you mean?" Did Vince know about what happened last night? Or was he just basing his words off of his and Nikki's common fights?

"Never mind." Vince rose up. "We're out of beer and out of money... Ya'll bitches gonna assist me on a run or not?" He questioned, alcohol becoming the primary focus now.

Tommy looked back to Nikki questionably. The bassist let go of Tommy, giving a push to him. "Suppose we haven't got a choice, if we want some."

"You're God damn straight." Vince snarled.

Tommy swallowed deeply, caught in the cross fire of a war that was surely to come. Tempers were flaring, tension running high... Tommy wished he could just disappear right now. He sighed and stood, allowing Nikki to get up. 

"So, how are we doing this?" Nikki questioned, after following the both of them out.

"Simple today... Just go in, grab a bottle and walk out... Without 'em noticing of course." Vince answered with a smirk as he walked down the street.

"Agh..." Nikki groaned. He wasn't exactly in the mood to be doing this today but with the temptation constant and the addiction never ending, he had to do it, whether he wanted to or not and he knew for a damn fact that Vince wouldn't risk his ass to bring anything back for him. Tommy would've but Nikki didn't trust Tommy to be alone with Vince anymore.

 

***

 

They had made it to the liquor store, barely. Vince was on edge, and so was Nikki. It was one of those days where they would undoubtedly be butting heads with one another... Over Tommy. Yes, that's right, Tommy. Nikki had lectured him on the way here, telling him of how he better not fuck this up, and then there was Vince defending Tommy for whatever reason. Really, why was he defending him? Tommy couldn't figure that out. Vince had never done it before.

Then there were the threats. Nikki throwing his words around of how he was going to teach Vince a lesson in minding his own business, and Vince provoking him to try. Nothing came out of it though but insults and mutters among the two men and there was Tommy, still caught in the midst of it all, and still wishing for once, that he was anywhere but here.

"Now, shut your mouth... We're here and you can't be bitching." Vince said suddenly, stopping just around the corner of the place.

"Speak for yourself, chatter box." Nikki scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Can we just get this over with?" Tommy asked from where he stood behind Nikki.

Vince looked back at him, then glared at Nikki, who in turn was glaring at him through that rat's nest hair of his. "Fine." The blonde finally said, and made his way around the corner, casually going into the store. Nikki and Tommy followed him.

"Anything I can help you boys with?" The clerk asked.

"Um, browsing. Just browsing." Vince replied as he went down the aisles of bottles, completely ignoring some, while inspecting others.

Nikki however, knew what he wanted right away, and he had no problem founding his way to where it was in a matter of seconds, with Tommy trailing behind him.

"Here." Nikki whispered, handing a bottle of Jack to Tommy. The younger accepted it. Then Nikki grabbed one more, as Vince made their way over to them, keeping in mind to keep the alcohol in his hand hidden from the clerk when he approached. 

"You two ready to go?" The singer asked and they both nodded. "Alright, let's go." He turned around, being careful with each step he took. Nikki and Tommy followed after him. 

"Have a good day." The clerk had spoken, sensing nothing out of the ordinary.

"You too." Vince said just as casually, making his way out successfully. Nikki was almost out too, until he stopped upon hearing the piercing sound of glass shattering against the floor. In what seemed like one long, slow motion, he looked over his shoulder back at Tommy, who had accidentally knocked one of the bottles over on his way out.

Tommy's eyes widened in terror, as he looked up to Nikki. "I-I'm sorry..." 

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL!" Finally, the clerk's attention had been grabbed. Nikki didn't even have time to think. He just grabbed Tommy by his shirt and jerked him out the door. "Run you fucking idiot, run!" He shouted, having no choice but to drag Tommy along with him as he hauled ass to get far, far away from there.

***

"Nikki, slow down! Please!" Tommy pleaded, after surely running a good mile or so, which was incredibly difficult considering the pain he still felt. Now though, he truly felt he couldn't keep running. Everything hurt and he was out of breath. He needed to stop. "NIKKI!" He exclaimed again, jerking his hand out of Nikki's. He was staying right here for now, whether Nikki stayed or not.

"Tommy, what the fuck? If you get caught, we can't bail you out of jail!" Nikki retorted, turning around to scowl at the hunched over, panting drummer.

After regaining some of his breathing back, Tommy stood straight again, looking up at Nikki. "Chill. We're away from there... We're not getting caught. Besides, I can't run anymore... I feel like I'm about to die."

"Oh, suck it up. You're tougher than that." Nikki growled, and proceeded to open the bottle of Jack in his hand, beginning on it already.

"Nikki, I'm serious... Walking today is very difficult and here I'am, running with my crazy boyfriend... Don't I deserve a rest for a minute? Just a minute."

Nikki swallowed, and pursed his lips together as he debated Tommy's request. "If it wasn't for you being so God damn clumsy and fucking it up, everything would've been fine." He turned then, back now facing Tommy. "See ya back at the house, and don't drink all of that." He looked back, pointing to the bottle in Tommy's hand. "I'll need it later." And with that, he was off.

Tommy didn't bother to stop him, to keep him here. Instead, he let Nikki fade out of sight and he let the tears begin to stream down his face. He was angry and hurt.

He couldn't understand it... How Nikki didn't even care about him... How he just wanted to drink.

Tommy was beginning to feel the harsh reality of what being in a band felt like, of what secretly dating an upcoming rock star felt like and he's honestly not quite sure he can handle the road ahead of him. For once, he was having second thoughts... For once, he was missing the home and support of his family.

Wiping his tears away, Tommy got out of his own head and continued down the side walk, back home... Back to Nikki... Back to his world of Motley Crue.


	3. Chapter 3

The following weeks came and went, with the band playing gigs here and there, blowing what money they earned on their vices and Tommy... Well, Tommy was just trying to survive.

Each day was hell, it seemed and he was withdrawing from all that he knew and loved. His sole focus? To please Nikki. To not anger Nikki. Nikki had promised he wouldn't hit him again, but he lied. Nikki always lies.

They had just finished off another gig and while Vince and Nikki were taking their pick of women from the crowd, Tommy was heading off to himself, making his way backstage with his head held down.

Mick caught this and frowned. That was unlike Tommy. He followed after him, having no interest in the girls like his other two band mates.

"Tommy" The guitarist called, grabbing hold of Tommy's wrist. Tommy stopped in his tracks but yanked his hand out of Mick's grip. He refused to look at him.

"Are you okay?" Mick asked. 

Tommy gave a half glance then, smiling slightly. "Yeah... Why wouldn't I be?" He countered.

Mick shrugged. "You've been acting weird... The past few gigs you haven't even bothered with the girls practically lined up and waiting for you. Now, that's not my thing but I know damn well you love the attention and sex but you've become so distant suddenly. Why?" Mick asked again, his eyes searching for any sign of an answer that Tommy's expression could give, that his voice couldn't.

Tommy sighed then. How he wanted to tell Mick everything... How Nikki gets overly jealous... How Nikki insists that Tommy is his and only his and how he's lucky to have him because nobody else would want him... Nobody else will love him.

Tommy doesn't though. Just the same as he doesn't dare speak a word of how Nikki demands he not even eye another, male or female, let alone touch them. If he does, he'll be punished again. It's been like that since that night with Vince. Nikki no longer wants to share, with anybody.

"I guess I've just been too tired by the end of the shows. The rock star life isn't easy you know." It was a sorry excuse, but it was the only one Tommy could think of.

Mick quirked a brow. Strange. "But you're usually a ball of energy... Now you talk as if you're my age, instead of a teenager." Mick pointed out.

Tommy turned his full attention to Mick this time and huffed. "I appreciate your concern Mick, but-" Tommy was cut off by the sounds of giggles and drunken sultry words being spoken. He glanced over to the side, where Vince passed him with two girls hanging off of each arm. Blonde, blue eyed with a thin waist and ample breasts... Just the way he liked them.

Nikki passed afterwards with one brunette; slim figure, big chested and green eyed. Tommy glared then, jealousy and hurt tugging at his heart. He wasn't allowed to speak of that though.

Nikki stopped finally, casting a scowl back at Mick, then at his drummer, as if warning Tommy that he best say nothing.

Tommy's gaze softened as he found himself in unspoken submission again. He looked back to Mick. "I'll see you around..." And with that, Tommy walked off.

Mick still didn't buy the bullshit Tommy was trying to sell but whatever. He turned to Nikki when the youngest of them was gone. Nikki still had a menacing scowl on him but it didn't affect him whatsoever. "What?" Mick asked.

Nikki said nothing. "Come on, let's go..." He muttered to the woman he had dragged along with him. Within that dark mind of Nikki's, where something evil lurked, he had concluded that Mick had become too curious. He became an enemy.

***

That night, back at the grungy apartment...

A sigh echoed in the dark bedroom, as Tommy was pushed back against the mattress, hands pinned above his head, although not tightly just yet. Nikki had the rest of him pinned under him by his weight and his face buried in Tommy's neck. 

He kissed, sucked and nipped at the flesh there. Tommy swallowed down a moan. It felt good but he was frustrated and tired. He just wanted to sleep.

"Nikki, it's three in the morning... Aren't you tired my love?" He asked calmly as to not anger his boyfriend.

Nikki hummed against his neck, then nipped again. "No... Wanna fuck you..." Nikki muttered, hands now roaming along Tommy's bare sides. 

That was a rule now. Tommy wasn't allowed to wear any clothes at all when they were alone. Although, he didn't necessarily mind that one because he despised clothes anyways.

Tommy debated just letting Nikki have his way with him. Really, he should. For some reason Nikki was in a good mood, a really good mood and was taking his time to be ever so alluring. It wouldn't even hurt tonight.

But, Tommy was unhappy with Nikki and sex wouldn't make up for it this time.

"Haven't you had enough tonight?" Tommy growled now, attempting to push Nikki off, to no avail though.

Nikki however sat up then. "You should be happy I'm taking the time to show you I want you. I could've just as easily brought that girl back here for round two and you'd be sleeping on the couch while I fucked her in our bed..." Nikki paused then and Tommy mentally prepared himself for the worst. He was anticipating the slap to come.

"What did you tell Mick?" Nikki asked out of the blue, surprising Tommy.

"N-nothing. He wanted to know why I wasn't with a girl and I told him I was tired. That's all." Tommy answered truthfully.

Nikki smirked then and Tommy could only wonder what twisted games was running through that mind of his... What Sickki was coming up with next.

"Tired?" Nikki asked then a chuckle erupted from him. "Shoulda told him it's because ya can't stop thinking about cock... And how you love to suck it and you love having it up your ass... I wonder, what would he had said then?" Nikki asked, in all seriousness then chuckled again because he knew, Tommy could never reveal such things as that. Mick didn't know. Mick was hardly with them unless it involved the whole band. He had no knowledge of their relationship, unlike Vince who had no choice in the matter.

Tommy rolled his eyes. "How was she?" He asked almost bitterly.

"She was too much of a whiner... Wouldn't really let me do what I wanted and she was loose... Such a fucking whore." Nikki replied with a huff.

"Oh, you poor baby..." Tommy muttered.

"So, now I want you, my tight little bitch." Nikki grinned then. Tommy ran a hand through his hair, sighing. 

Nikki began to grind his hips against Tommy's and the younger's eyes widened as he moaned. "You're the only one that knows how to take my cock."  
"Damnit!" Tommy cursed inwardly.

"Yeah, baby... Get hard for your man..." Nikki spoke seductively and it was impossible for Tommy to refuse. One head screamed for sleep, while the other was ready for some action and with Nikki being Dr. Jekyll rather than Mr. Hyde tonight, Tommy figured he best not pass the opportunity up.

"He's been waiting for you..." Tommy spoke then and Nikki seized his movements, instead bringing a hand down to palm the younger's erection. "Has he now?"

Tommy bit his lower lip, giving a nod. "He's been missing ya too..."

Nikki glanced up to Tommy, their eyes meeting. "Are you a good boy?" He asked and Tommy growled. Damnit! Damnit all! Nikki and his damn teasing!

"Yes. I've done everything you've asked." Tommy answered, grinding up into Nikki to feel the sweet friction again that had started this.

Nikki smirked. "My sweet little drummer..." He then moved down on Tommy. The younger simply allowed himself to relax, not worrying over what Nikki might do tonight. 

For once, he was certain that Nikki would show him the mind blowing, toe curling pleasure and love he had known upon first being with the man.


	4. Chapter 4

Tommy stood there in the doorway of the kitchen, an odd expression on his face.

There was a vase sitting in the middle of the table, with flowers of some kind inside and a bottle of Jack beside it. 

Tommy quirked a brow, taking a step forward as he looked around. He had a funny suspicion that this was some kind of joke and that someone was waiting to jump out on him. But, Vince was gone for the day and Nikki was nowhere to be found... Probably passed out in the bedroom.

Tommy approached the table, reaching out to feel of the flowers. They were fake, go figure. He rolled his eyes, picking up the piece of paper he just now noticed, reading over it carefully.

"To Tommy... I know this isn't much, but I just wanted to show my appreciation to you. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend to you lately... So, here's an act of kindness from me, or some shit like that. The Jack's all yours by the way. - Nikki" 

The words were a mess of scribble, but Tommy was able to make them out. He gave a soft sigh. "Well... He tried..." He thought, placing the paper back down and turning around. To his surprise, Nikki now stood slouched against the doorway.

"It's to say sorry... For all the shit I've put you through... I know, it's been hell with me lately..." Nikki muttered, his gaze focused on his sneakers for a moment, then back up at Tommy, searching for any sign of approval, or rejection.

Tommy swallowed deeply, still unsure of all this and afraid that he had to choose his words wisely, that they'd seal his fate. These sweet gestures of apology were becoming old fast, but dare he say that?

With Nikki, no.

Tommy smiled half heartedly. "What did ya do, steal the flowers from a graveyard?" He asked, hoping to lighten the tension he was feeling.

"I... Uh..." Nikki trailed off then released a deep breath, glaring at Tommy. "What do you expect? We're fucking broke... So I did what I had to... Sorry it wasn't enough." He turned away then, walking off back to their room.

"Nikki!" Tommy called out to him, but Nikki didn't stop. No surprise there.

Tommy gave a growl. Oh how he wanted to hate Nikki and how he wanted to resist chasing after him... Why did he chase after him? Why was he so persistent on hanging onto this broken man? Why did he think he could change him?... Tommy did the opposite of what Nikki had said, marching after him and into their room.

He stopped at the edge of the bed where Nikki now laid, face buried in the pillow.

"I'm sorry Nikki... I was only joking, to lighten the mood..." He trailed off. Nikki didn't speak though. Didn't even move a muscle.

Tommy frowned, sitting at the edge of the bed. "You know me. I like to make people laugh..." He paused once more, reaching a hand out to run through Nikki's hair. It was soft today, and clean... He had showered. "Impressive..." Tommy thought comically.

"I miss us... The old us... I miss making you laugh... We haven't even started in this journey and we've already changed so much... What's going to happen to us in five years time, ten years, when we're famous? Are we really gonna be that different and distant...?" Tommy asked, his voice low now, and dread creeping in.

Nikki turned around, still not looking at Tommy but off to the wall. He had a look Tommy couldn't make out... Somewhere between desperation... Fear... Anger... Hurt.

"I'm scared..." He muttered, eyes already glistening with tears. "I'm scared that it won't be enough... It's never enough... What if... I'm not enough? What if you find someone better, someone who didn't treat you like shit? I wish I could stop but I can't, I like it too much..."

Tommy remained silent, unsure of what to say to this. It sent his mind reeling but what could he do? Something kept him there... Kept him fighting for Nikki... Fighting for his 'brother'... For the man he knew still dwelled within him.

"That's crazy talk right there... And I don't want to hear any more of it, okay?" Tommy asked, this time gaining Nikki's attention on him. Nikki just stared at him. Tommy looked so innocent, like an angel... An angel that was getting dragged into the pits of hell by the devil himself. 

Tommy swept some of Nikki's loose hair out of his eyes, and smiled then. "So beautiful." He muttered. Little moments like that, he supposed was what kept him there. The little things he fell in love with.

"How can you go on loving me?" Nikki asked finally.

Tommy shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I just do. Now, scoot over, I wanna lay beside you."  
Surprisingly Nikki did as he was told, scooting over to allow Tommy enough space. Tommy took his place next to him. "So, what do you wanna do? Lay around and sulk all day?" Tommy asked with a chuckle.

"As a matter of fact, I do." Nikki answered, then wrapped his arms around Tommy, pulling him in closer. "And I want you to stay with me. Vince will be gone all day, with some girl probably and Mick hardly comes around so we have the entire place to ourselves." Nikki grinned then.

"Wow, aren't you being awfully sweet today. Flowers and booze and now this..."

Nikki nuzzled into him. "Just wanted to show my man a little appreciation today... I haven't even had a drink because I wanted to be straight for once..."

"I'm proud of you, Nikki." And for once Tommy didn't have to lie. 

And maybe... Just maybe... Things would start to get better. But that was asking for too much.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you're feeling generous, or just kudos. Doesn't matter to me. Just don't leave any flames...
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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